Maya

Am sitting in my 2nd bedroom... On the floor... Typing this new blog... After a long cry... At last, I can smile... Even it's paining inside, I will still overcome it... In front of him... Someone I love... And I will never cry in front of him anymore... SInce he hate my tears, I'll give him my smile... A smile that he missed for this few days... The truth has started and it wont have an end for it... I will never lie and I will be who I am in front of him... In front of everyone, just judge me wadever u all like... Maya is Maya... No matter wad I do, I will owes be me... Love me or hate me, it's ur decision... Just leave (IT SHOULD BE FU*K OFF, U guys know I am not that gentle...Someone change that..Just explaining...)my life if u r not coming in to make it beautiful cos I dont need someone to ruin it!!! I can ruin it myself if I wanted to so Bye for those who will go from my life... OK... So, thats all for now... I will start my new life at this very moment... The life which evryone should live...U guys ...its my suggestion...Life is beautiful live it guys...dont ruin...no matter what pains u have...its ur own life...live it...u will never get another.............

the truth...

Recently I have been stop posting blogs... I am busy with my school and jobs... Now am having my school holiday for 6 weeks... So right now am busy working... I dont know why recently I am so crazy with working... I feel like keeping myself busy... Anyway... I am now S & A... Single and Available... I duno what I am feeling right now... I am tired... I really feel tired... I slept for the whole day today... Something weird inside... I felt something... Ok, this time, this blog will be about the truth... I dont care wad u people will think after reading this blog... I admit I am a jerk, a loser, a playgirl... So, F**K oFF if u dun like it!!!

1st truth :

I Broke up with my Boyfriend!!! A boyfriend that have been in my life for 1 year and 10 months and 6 days... People will think that it's a shocking news... But this really happen... We broke up...

2nd truth :

I like a guy that I shouldnt like!!! Why I said I shouldnt like him?? It's because he have someone waiting for him in his home country... As long as he is near me, am happy... Even it's hurt... Sometimes, I just wanna asked him to be with me forever without any other gal waiting for him... But thinking of that makes me feel I am selfish... I know he love her... And she love him very much... He said he love me and said I am his... I duno what to say... Knowing that fact makes me feel hurt... Maybe this is the reason I feel hurt now...


Thats the 2 truths that I wanna say... Hahaha... (for those who have read my blog before.... Am sorry to delete the 3rd truth bcos tat truth will not happen... Since it's future tense, so, forget that truth..) <--- requested by my Mr.Vampire... The guy who hurt me so much but I still a foolish to love him...

No Title again!!!!!!!

Suddenly, at this very moment, I cant sleep... I dun even feel sleepy... I dont know why... I worked... I am tired... I feel sick... I got sorethroat... I got headache... But, I dun feel wanna sleep... I just wanna sit down here n type my blog... I feel like posting something... I duno what to type... I have no idea what title I should give to this post... I duno what I feel right now... I duno what I am doing... I duno what is in my mind... All I know is type type type for now...
Below are 10 of my negative attitude : (Like it or not, it's me!!!! )

1. I am short tempered (trying to change now n my mom said I improved)
2. I am childish (I really am)
3. I am stupid (this is just sometimes when I feel wanna be stupid)
4. I am crazy (this happen only when I am with my frens)
5. I like to cry (this will never can change)
6. I am fat (this, I am trying to diet but I always fail)
7. I am tomboy (this one oledi since small)
8. I am short (I dun play basketball, so I wont grow taller)
9. I am lazy (this is proven)
10. I am playgirl (this... I tried to change...)

Ok... That's 10... Like it or not, just ACCEPT it!!!!! I dun care who u are, if u wanna come close to me then u have to accept everything!!!!!

untitled...

Today is Friday... I went to Partyworld for Karaoke with my frens... There are Usun, Alvin, Mely, Janet, Kiat, Audry and Ching Rou... The 8 of us are crazy... Maybe the 1st time when we stepped into the room, we don't feel high... High as mean excited... So we just sing some song... When it came to a song " Because of You" we started to get high and we sang so loudly even without the mic... Gosh... I just cant bear myself not to sing with them... When we are going up to Partyworld, my fren said this to me : " I know something happen from ur face lar... So later just go and put it out..." So, when I was in the room, I tried my best not to think bout the problems and keep singing... I dun care wad people think bout my voice... I know I dont have nice voice to sing... I dont know how to sing... Maybe my singing like shit... I just dont care... All I wanna do is be myself... Sometimes, I just need to get drunk to be myself... But since I have stop drinking... I need to use other things to make myself happy... Hahaha... I duno... Maybe people think I am crazy... But, that's me... I am who I am... I am not as good as my sis... I am not as pretty as my sis... I am not as good girl as my bro... I am stubborn... I am talkative... I am lack of smile... And if u cant take the real me, then stay far from me... I dont need u since u dont need me... Maybe for most people, being the real them is easy but for me, I cant... It's not easy for me... I always be someone that I dont know... Someone that others want me to be... I am an actress in my own world... In my own life... I cant even be the producer, the writer, the main role in my own scenario... I don't know why... Sometimes, just sometimes, I really wanna be myself... No matter infront of who... Even infront of the president... So, let me be myself!!!!

papa ku chayank :p

Now... Right now... At this very moment... I am lying on my bed... Checking my email... Chatting with my friends... And most importantly I'm chatting with my "papa"... He is my pastor in Indonesia church... I miss him so much... He is so kind that everyone love him... Of cos include me... He is kind, friendly, funny, high self confident... He always said that he looks like Jackie Chan... Hahaha... No matter how he look, he is still my favourite papa... I knew him cos I went to that church named Tabernacle Family... In the church, we are really like big family... I like the feels that I got there... The people are friendly... Since I knew him, I always go to him whenever I need someone to talk to... Whenever I need a shoulder to cry on... Maybe he is feeling bored with me but he always put on a smile and warm hug for me whenever he saw me... Now we are far apart... We cant talked to each other like we used to... We cant see each other like we used to... We cant hug each other like we used to... We cant do anything together like we used to... and I am still not used to this condition where we are far apart and we just can communicate by using Yahoo Messenger and Handphone... For those people out there who create Yahoo and Handphone, I love u both so much... Cos u both make me can contact my papa... He always know the way to comfort me... He always know what I should do... He always be there for me... Am proud to have this papa... Now, when I went to church in Melbourne, I always feel something is losing... Something that I used to do but I cant do it now... Something that I miss so much... Something that I wanna see... Being such a wonderful papa's daughter, I am very proud... He never say no to me... He always listen to me... He always is the best... I believe him... HE believe in him... Gambateh papa ku chayank...

no title againnnnn

It's 21 degree now in Melbourne at 1.02 AM... And yet, I havent fall asleep... Was lying on my bed and reading my friend's blog... I dont know how they can actually manage to post blogs almost everyday... As I cant even post one blog for one day... Hahaha... I always post blog when I feel like writing... Which is for now... Hahaha... Melbourne is going into summer... Although most my friends said it's still spring but for me, it's SUMMER... Gosh... Sometimes it will be 34 degree and the sun actually burn your skin... Oh my beloved skin, I'm sorry that I let the sun to burn u... Gosh... I love Melbourne but not the sun... I love the sky where it's blue and you can actually see the white soft clouds... I often tell people I met that I love Melbourne's sky... When u are here, u will know why I love it... Yesterday, which is few hours back, I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine for 2hours and 45 minutes where I actually talked to her since 3pm actually... Hahaha... So, it is more than 2 hours... But I get some nap at 5.43pm till 6.43pm... We talked bout many things and we share many stories of ourselves... Talking on the phone with her actually can make me laugh when I am stressed and dont feel like laughing... I dont know what really happen to me but this few days, I can survive by eating once meal a day... Like the day before yesterday, I had chicken curry for my lunch and I didnt eat anything else after that which makes me survive until last nite... I dont know how I manage to do that but I actually really did tat... I can survive without eating... But one thing for sure, I CANT SURVIVE WITH DRINKING... Hahaha... Yesterday I stayed at home the whole day cause I am lazy to go to campus... I woke up at 10.30am where I actually should be in campus at 9.00am... Hahaha... When I woke up, I called my friend directly to ask him about today's class but when I heard his voice, he just woke up too... Just like me... Hahaha... And we had the same reason for not attending campus... LAZY... Hahahaha... It's the 1st time I'm absent... Weird... But real... Haha... Staying home while everyone is in campus feels nice... Where everyone will call u and ask u why didnt u go to campus... Hahaha... I just answered them I cant wake up... Haha... By the way, continue about me talking on the phone with my friend, we did some crazy things like singing few Indonesian songs together... Hahaha... But it feels great cos I feel stressed that time and she just found out a way to make me not feeling stress... Thanks to her I feel better now... Should I say I am going crazy now or I am just stress?? Weirdie... Hahaha... Trying to be myself again but suddenly, at this moment, I cant find myself in me... It's weird but it's happening... Something is missing in me... And I dont know what's that... I dont know where to find that missing piece of me... I really feel lost now... Maya, where are u?? Come back soon cos I am missing u... Hahaha... See, I'm crazy now... I talked to myself too often... Hahaha... I am really not me now... Goshhhh... Even my friend feel weird when talking to me on the phone just now cause I keep laughing and laughing... I dont know why... Today I checked my addiction to facebook and I got 86% for it... Oh my, am I really that addicted??? Gosh... Never realize... Hahaha... Ok then... Maybe I am really that addicted to facebook... Hahaha... So what??? I feel comfortable with it... It can make me type out what I'm feeling at the moment... Hahaha... So, no doubt that facebook is part of my life... Actually, I love doing what I'm doing and I love being who I am... So, will help myself to be better... Ciayou... Gambateh...

Melbourne, Indian, Me

I dont know what I am writing now... I dont know what happen to me recently... Did Melbourne really changes me?? I dont know too... Maybe, like what my friend said... Melbourne really can changes someone and it really did... It changes me... I am lost... I cant find myself... I dont know what I'm thinking... I dont know what I'm doing... I dont know what I am... I am confuse... Confuse with everything that is happening around me right now... Everything seems to be so unpredictable... Everything happen far beyond my expectation... Being who I am maybe is not what I want but this is my life... Life where no one can actually understand... When I told my friend bout it, I dont even know whether they really understand or not... For the time being, I just want to be alone... Maybe, it's time for me being lonely for now... I dont know why... I just wanna stay still, stay cool, stay alone in my room... Maybe people will think that I am crazy... Where we should be enjoying life with friends while we can but at this very moment, I really dont feel like talking... Or do anything... I just want to be a lazy girl... Lying on my bed... Imagining things that never will happen to me... Melbourne is a nice place with nice people but I dont know why most people dont like Indians... Telling ya all the truth, I like Indians... No matter they are like what people say like smelly, annoying, like monkeys... But I still like them... Not all Indians are same like what people say... When u come to them and try to understand them, U will find out that they are good, kind, nice, interesting... And maybe they are actually much better than u guys who thinks that they are under u all... I hate when people ask me why I like Indians... I like Indian or not I guess it's my problem... Why people like to ask me such question?? There is no reason behind that... I just feel comfortable with them... Is that wrong?? I just wanted to know more friends... That's all... Please never say u hate Indians in front of me or I will never ever talk to u again... I ever had an Indian family as my neighbour back then when I am still staying in Kuching... And for your information, we spent lots of time together, eating, playing, chit chat... We always went out together... We spent lots of things together... They are my first Indian friends and I like them... And until now, I still like them... Maybe not all Indians are good and friendly and kind... But mostly, who I knew, they are different... They are good, kind, caring, friendly... Dont be so racist... Maybe one day when u are having problems, they are the one who can help u... Be friends with everyone, anyone... Now, I am staying with Indian family in Melbourne... And I feel comfortable with them... I like them... Being in such nice family, I am really happy... For those who dont like Indian, come tell me whats the reason cause I dont found any reason that u should hate them... And I am proud to say I like Indian...

Best friend

Having a best friend, is the best thing i wanted to have in this world... Even only for 1 or 2, it's enough for me... I have 2 best friend... And I wanted u all to know that this 2 girls, is my beloved best friend forever... K... Let me intro u...

U SUN ---> yeaps... this is my 1st best friend's name... She is my friend since primary school... Now I am teenager... So, u bet that's long enough as a best friend... We ever stayed near to each other... We chat so much that we don't even remember what we chatted before... We eat and drink and play together as world has no difficulty for us to think... We go same primary school, same high school... And I left Kuching after that... I havent met her for almost 5 years... And I thought I lost this best friend of mine, but facebook and friendster met us up... And when I told her I wanna come to Melbourne, she was so happy... And I am glad that I can see her again... I thought she changed... As u see, 5 years didnt meet... Hahaha... But on the day when she picked me up, I know, she never changed... She is still the freind that I know... And I will always love her... Everytime when I am lost in the city, everytime when I called her, she will always be there for me... No matter when, she always will tell me not to worry and I will find my way... And after calling her, I really found my way... She was like the angel that God send to me when I am lost... Hahaha... She was so great... Kind... Friendly... Love her... Muacks muacks muacks...

Cathy ---> ok... this is my 2nd best friend... She is my friend since we are in high school... Knowing her is best part of my life too... We always stick together and do anything together... And lastly, she even stay near to my house... (in Kuching)... We are classmate, we are neighbour, we are best friend... I duno what she treat me as, but she always is my best friend... Didnt meet her for almost 3 years I guess... And she is coming to Melbourne soon... I am so excited... She was so good... Everytime when I need someone to talk to, she is there... She can comfort me... Hahaha... And the most important thing, she can cool me down everytime when I am angry... Thanks for being there for me... I can't wait to see u in Melbourne...

Life without best friend is not called a life...